Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents Build Open Adoption Relationship Together
Birth parents who just signed away their rights and adoptive parents who just became mom and dad - the two families sat together in the same room sharing a common bond. Instead of tension or grief, they talked about friendship, future visits, and the four parents who will love baby Seth for the rest of his life. In this episode of Choosing Adoption with host Donna Pope, something rare happens: birth parents Kaylee and Elijah sit alongside adoptive parents Paul and Cassie with baby Seth to discuss their adoption journey together. Their conversation reveals what open adoption looks like when both families commit to a relationship from the very beginning.
Kaylee and Elijah were young and scared when they discovered the pregnancy. After learning Seth was healthy at the 18-week ultrasound, they knew they weren't ready to parent but wanted their son to have every opportunity. They researched agencies carefully, looking for one that took home studies seriously enough to guarantee their baby would land in a safe, loving home. What they found exceeded expectations. Not only did Heart To Heart Adoptions provide thorough vetting, but the matching process connected them with Paul and Cassie. That commitment to honoring his origins made the decision possible. Today, all four parents describe their relationship as friendship, with plans to stay connected as Seth grows up, knowing he has more people in his corner than most children ever experience.
Being Picky About the Right Family
Kaylee and Elijah weren't passive participants in choosing their son's adoptive family. They were extremely selective, rejecting almost every profile they reviewed before finding Paul and Cassie. For Elijah especially, most families didn't feel right. He wanted parents who didn't look mean, had good careers, and would be present as Seth grew up. When Kaylee saw Paul and Cassie's profile, something clicked. Paul reminded her of her boyfriend, which gave her comfort knowing her son would be raised by someone similar to the man she loved.
The couple's promise to ensure Seth always knew his birth parents acted out of love, not abandonment, sealed the decision. The thoroughness of the home study process mattered deeply to Kaylee. She needed to know the agency took safety seriously before she could trust anyone with her child. According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, home studies evaluate prospective adoptive parents across multiple dimensions, including background checks, home safety, parenting preparation, and family dynamics to ensure children enter stable environments.
Four Days in the Hospital
Baby Seth arrived via C-section, and Kaylee spent four days recovering in the hospital. During that time, she held him as much as possible, bonding with her son before signing the papers that would transfer parental rights. Elijah stayed the entire time, sleeping uncomfortably in hospital chairs but unwilling to leave. Paul and Cassie let the birth parents set the pace. They visited as often as Kaylee and Elijah wanted but made clear they could be asked to leave at any time.
They didn't want to be the guests who never go away. This respect for boundaries created ease rather than tension during an emotionally charged time. The adoptive parents describe seeing Seth for the first time as surreal. After years of trying to grow their family through various means, holding this baby felt almost unbelievable. Cassie admits she still struggles to accept that it's real, that they finally reached the moment they'd been working toward for so long.
Signing the Papers
Kaylee waited until just before leaving the hospital to sign the relinquishment papers. She wanted every possible moment with Seth before making it official. When the time came, she describes it as the hardest thing she's ever done. There was a moment when she wanted to rip up the papers. The urge to change her mind and take Seth home was overwhelming. But Kaylee recognized that impulse as pure emotion, not realistic thinking.
She knew she couldn't provide what he needed and couldn't do that to Paul and Cassie after everything they'd been through together. She signed quickly so she wouldn't have time to let emotion override logic. Elijah cried that day and admits he still cries about it. But knowing Seth landed with the best people they could have chosen brings contentment even through the grief. Research from Adoption Network indicates that birth parents who feel confident in their family selection report better long-term emotional outcomes than those who felt rushed or uncertain.
The Relationship All Four Parents Want
When Donna Pope asked about their anticipated future relationship, all four parents described the same vision: a close, ongoing friendship that allows birth parents to watch Seth grow even from a distance. Paul sees Elijah as a younger brother figure. He wants Kaylee and Elijah to feel involved, to see Seth's growth, and know the adoptive parents are doing everything possible for him. Cassie describes the relationship like friends who can pick up the phone after months apart and talk like no time has passed.
Kaylee and Elijah want the same thing. They want to see Seth grow in any way possible, to be told about his memories and milestones even if they can't be there for every one. Elijah describes wanting to be the best uncle possible, supporting the adoptive family, and serving as a resource when Seth has questions only birth parents can answer.
Key elements both families agreed on for their open adoption:
Regular communication: Through the HeartsConnect app initially, then direct contact after graduation
Honesty about origins: Seth will always know his birth parents loved him and placed him intentionally
Collaboration during hard conversations: If Seth struggles with identity questions, all four parents will work together
Respect for boundaries: Birth parents won't overstep, adoptive parents won't shut them out
Friendship foundation: The relationship is built on genuine liking, not just obligation
What They Want Seth to Know
All four parents share the same hope for Seth: that he grows up knowing he is loved by more people than most children ever experience. Paul emphasizes that many people struggle to have even one parent who loves them this much. Seth has four. Kaylee and Elijah want their son to understand that adoption was an act of love, not rejection. They chose this path because they cared about his future more than their own comfort. They weren't ready to parent, and recognizing that limitation was itself an act of love.
The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that children in open adoptions who maintain contact with birth families often show stronger identity development and fewer questions about their origins. Seth's four parents are building exactly this foundation—multiple trusted adults who can answer questions and provide support as he navigates his unique story.
Advice for Both Sides
Kaylee's advice to expectant parents considering adoption focuses on family selection. The pain never fully goes away, and sometimes doubt creeps in about whether the decision was right. Being certain about the family you choose helps manage those difficult moments. Base decisions on reality, not emotion, and find parents you genuinely trust. Elijah agrees that finding the right adoptive parents is the best part of the process.
That selection creates peace of mind, makes the sadness more bearable, and builds the foundation for an ongoing relationship that benefits everyone—especially the child. Paul and Cassie offer advice to adoptive families in the waiting phase: keep going. The process is scary and doesn't stop being scary, but reaching the other side is worth every difficult moment. Cassie shares wisdom from her fertility support group: you know when you're done. If you're still asking the question, you're not done yet.
United By A Baby
Baby Seth entered the world surrounded by four people who love him. His birth parents chose his adoptive parents carefully, building a relationship during the hospital stay that continues today. His adoptive parents waited years for this moment and received not just a son but an extended family connection.
This episode of Choosing Adoption shows what's possible when open adoption works as intended. Two families became one, united by a baby who will grow up knowing his story isn't about loss or rejection - it's about more love than most children ever receive.
Listen to the complete conversation between Kaylee, Elijah, Paul, and Cassie on Choosing Adoption and hear all four parents describe their vision for Seth's future. Subscribe for more stories that show open adoption creating families instead of separating them.
#BirthParents #AdoptiveParents #OpenAdoption #ChoosingAdoption #BirthMotherStory #BirthFatherStory #AdoptionJourney #FourParentsOneBaby #OpenAdoptionSuccess #AdoptionRelationships #BirthParentVoice #AdoptiveFamily #AdoptionIsLove #RealAdoptionStories
Follow or Subscribe to Choosing Adoption on your favorite platforms:
Website | YouTube | Twitter/X | Instagram
Follow Donna Pope (LinkedIn)
Comments