How Do You Decide What Love Looks Like When You Have Nothing to Offer But Courage?

Alexandra and Michael Hatherley faced an impossible choice while living in the Florida woods with a baby on the way: keep a child they couldn't feed or trust strangers with their son's future. Their decision to choose open adoption while homeless transformed not just one life, but an entire family's trajectory. 

In this episode of Choosing Adoption with host Donna Pope, birth parents Alexandra and Michael share their journey from living in the Florida woods to building stable lives in Utah through open adoption. At 28 years old, Alexandra was pregnant with Owen while she and her husband Michael were homeless, facing an impossible situation with nowhere to turn. Their story challenges assumptions about who birth parents are and what happens after placement.

Both Alexandra and Michael were adopted through foster care themselves, bringing lived experience to their decision. Alexandra had already experienced a failed closed adoption in 2015 with no contact, making her terrified to try again. Despite those fears, they reached out to Heart To Heart Adoptions and found support that changed everything. What happened next reveals how genuine agency assistance during crisis pregnancy can transform entire families. After placing Owen in January 2023, they secured stable housing, established careers, and eventually welcomed their daughter Kaleesi, whom they chose to parent. They maintain close open adoption contact with Owen's family while traveling extensively and planning to help another family through adoption in the future. Their journey from homelessness to hope shows what's possible when birth parents receive real support instead of judgment.

 Pregnant and Homeless in Florida   

Alexandra discovered she was pregnant with Owen while living in unsuitable conditions with Michael in Florida. They were happy about the pregnancy, but their circumstances told a different story. Abortion never entered consideration because Alexandra believes every child deserves a chance regardless of circumstances. Living in the woods while pregnant, Alexandra began researching adoption agencies across Florida and other states. She found Heart To Heart Adoptions and reached out, explaining her homelessness and desperate need for help. The agency's immediate response was simple: "We will help you. How can we help you?" That response changed their entire trajectory. According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, many birth parents facing housing instability seek adoption services, yet support resources during pregnancy vary widely by agency and location.

 The Move to Utah and Fresh Start   

Heart To Heart offered Alexandra and Michael an option she hadn't expected: would they like to stay in Florida, or would they consider moving to Utah? She chose Utah immediately. She wanted to try something new, needed to escape homelessness, and craved a fresh start in a place where she could build stability. Their travel plans fell apart immediately. They booked Greyhound tickets and got stuck in Atlanta for 24 hours over a weekend when Alexandra was 26 weeks pregnant with a high-risk pregnancy. On Monday morning, she called the agency in a panic. Heart To Heart immediately arranged flights from Atlanta to Utah and transportation from the Greyhound station to the airport. When they arrived in Utah late at night, the agency picked them up and placed them in temporary housing before moving them into their own apartment. Research from the Guttmacher Institute on prenatal care and support services indicates that birth parents who receive comprehensive support during pregnancy show improved outcomes and reduced stress throughout the adoption process.

 High-Risk Pregnancy & Support   

Two weeks after arriving in Utah, Alexandra went into preterm labor at 28 weeks. She spent a week and a half hospitalized while doctors worked to stop the labor. With her history of miscarriages and preterm labor complications, the situation looked uncertain. The hospital successfully stopped the labor, and Alexandra carried Owen to 38 weeks. He was born on January 5, 2023, weighing five pounds nine ounces. Alexandra bonded with him as she wanted because that choice was hers to make. Heart To Heart had helped them create a detailed birth plan before delivery, ensuring every decision reflected their wishes rather than agency pressure. Ten days after Owen's adoption finalized, Alexandra and Michael moved into their own apartment. They had secured jobs immediately upon arriving in Utah and saved every dollar. About ten months later, they upgraded to a two-bedroom apartment. Shortly after that, Alexandra became pregnant with their daughter Kaleesi, whom they chose to parent.

 Building Stability After Placing Their Son   

Today Alexandra and Michael have a car, stable housing, and have taken Kaleesi on 13 cruises. Alexandra finds deals through cruise lines, and they've made travel their family priority. They've been to Disney World in Florida and maintain close contact with Owen's adoptive family. The American Adoption Congress research suggests that birth parents in maintained open adoption relationships often report better long-term adjustment and life satisfaction.

Alexandra and Michael's transformation from homelessness to stability reflects these findings. They used the HeartsConnect app to maintain contact with Owen's adoptive family for the first six months after placement. After graduating from the app, they transitioned to direct communication, including texts, calls, and in-person visits. Owen's family flew to Utah to introduce him to his little sister Kaleesi. He was confused at first, but now plays with her and understands she's his sister.

 Both Survived Foster Care and Adoption   

Alexandra and Michael bring a unique perspective to their adoption decision because both were adopted themselves through foster care. Alexandra was adopted from a Ukrainian orphanage in 2007 but experienced severe abuse from her adoptive family and ended up cycling through 26 group homes and foster placements before aging out at 21. She was later adopted as a disabled adult, which helped her regain custody of her older children who had been placed with her sister.

Michael entered foster care at eight after leaving an abusive home and was adopted at 15 by a family who provided stability, though their relationship is currently strained due to disagreements about his life choices. Their foster care experiences informed their adoption decision. They understood what suitable environments look like and what children need. They knew they couldn't provide those things while homeless, but they also knew adoption could work if done correctly with genuine agency support and maintained openness.

 Learning From Disappointment 

Alexandra's placement of Owen wasn't her first adoption experience. In 2015, at age 19, she placed her son Jaden for adoption through a Florida agency. That adoption was supposed to be open. She has no contact with Jaden and no idea how he's doing. That failed closed adoption terrified her when she considered adoption again. When she reached out to Heart To Heart, she was scared to repeat the experience.

The agency explained their open adoption process, provided testimonies from other birth parents, and showed their track record. That information eased her fears enough to try again. Today, Alexandra texts, calls, and visits Owen's family regularly. According to Child Trends, children in open adoptions with maintained contact often show stronger identity development and family understanding throughout childhood. Owen's ongoing relationship with both his adoptive family and birth parents reflects this research.

 Honest Truth About Adoption vs Parenting   

Alexandra makes a striking admission in the episode: if she could choose now, she would still place Kaleesi for adoption, but she's too attached to follow through. She wanted to compare adoption and parenting firsthand to understand the differences. Her conclusion is clear. Raising children is challenging. It requires patience, money, constant doctor visits, and resources many people don't have. There's no shame in knowing your limits and making the choice that ensures your child gets what they need.

 Alexandra's comparison between adoption and parenting revealed key differences: 

1. Financial resources: Parenting requires constant spending on necessities, while adoption provided stability first

2. Emotional capacity: Attachment to Kaleesi made a second adoption impossible despite preferring it

3. Support systems: Agency support during adoption versus navigating parenting alone

4. Medical needs: Constant doctor visits with parenting versus agency-coordinated care during pregnancy

5. Living situation: Needed stable housing before parenting but could not place while homeless

Michael adds that following your heart matters most. If adoption feels right, pursue it. If parenting feels possible, do that. But don't let others dictate your choice based on their expectations.

 Control Over Contact Levels   

Alexandra and Michael emphasize that Heart To Heart gives birth parents complete control over contact levels. You can choose open adoption, closed adoption, minimal contact, pictures only, or visits. The agency recommends open adoption but never forces it. The decision belongs entirely to birth parents. They plan to place another child for adoption with Heart To Heart in the future.

They haven't decided when, but they're committed to helping another family while building their own lives. Michael describes it as bringing life into the world to reward another family, and they feel blessed doing it. Their story shows that adoption doesn't have to mean loss. When done with genuine support and maintained openness, adoption can create opportunity for everyone involved while ensuring children get the resources they need.

 Circumstances Don't Determine Outcomes 

Alexandra and Michael's story proves that crisis circumstances don't determine outcomes. With genuine support, birth parents facing homelessness can make adoption plans that honor everyone involved while building futures they couldn't imagine during their darkest moments.

Their ongoing relationship with Owen's family, their stability with Kaleesi, and their plans to help another family through adoption reveal what open adoption makes possible. They didn't lose a son—they gained a village that supports multiple children across two families.

Listen to Alexandra and Michael's complete story on Choosing Adoption and hear the honest truth about choosing adoption while facing impossible circumstances. Subscribe for more stories that challenge assumptions and prove support changes everything.

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